I've been pretty tired this month. Just seem to not get enough sleep.

My scalp started to hurt around the 9th of January. Felt very tender, a shower would make it sore and even just touching it seemed very sore. Still haven't lost any hair yet, but am beginning to wonder if the sorness has something to do with it coming out soon.

Jan 11th I went in for my 2nd dose of chemo. In the waiting room I met 2 ladies who were there for the chemo from breast cancer too. They were talking and having fun and making jokes. They both lost their hair already so I asked them when it fell out for them. They told me by their 2nd dose. The one lady asked me if my head hurt. I said yes, I can barely touch it. She said it was close to coming out then. I told her good, I was beginning to think that I was going to be one of the odd ones and not lose my hair, after having it all cut off, it was my destiny not to lose it. Especially after being odd and having pain with the cancer, it just seems like normal that I'll be odd throughout it all. It was nice to be able to talk to someone who was going through it as well.

My blood count was good. The doctors were surprised at how well I did with the chemo. Told them I was just really tired. They said unfortunatly there is no meds for that, just one of the side affects.

During chemo. I made my hubby leave me for a few minutes and get me a Quater Pounder w/cheese from the nearby McDonald's. So I ate that while doing my chemo. Tasted so good too. We don't eat out much now, trying to eat better, but that was so good! There was an older couple close to us, in their 70's. The husband was there with his wife getting the chemo. He looked at me eating that sandwich and shook his head and just burst into laughter. Made me laugh too. He thought for sure I'd be sick soon.

Did very well that day. Went home and my mother had made us dinner. I didn't feel nausea at all. I did however zonk out cold again for awhile. Then that night I did take a nausea medicine, just in case, but never really felt sick. I went to bed early too, was just so tired. Hubby got up and got the kids around for school so I could sleep in a bit too. Just really need my rest lately. I hope the rest of the month continues to go this well.

The first time I pee after getting chemo., my urine is orange. The first round no one was around to see it. This time, Sammy, my 6 year old was in the bathroom with me. He thought it was the coolest thing he ever saw. He is waiting for my superhero medicine to knock out my hair, he has never felt a bald head before and can't wait to feel mine. Kids! I told him I was taking some superhero medicine to knock out the cancer and since it was superhero medicine that it would make me tired and even knock the hair right off of my head. He says COOL. Seems to be his new word lately. He has done pretty well with it all. He didn't like all of the surgeries, didn't like to see me so down and out. He's never really seen mom sick, but he is doing good. All of my children are doing great with it and are helping anyway they can. Stevie doesn't really know what's going on, getting used to me wearing hats around the house when my head gets cold, at first he tried to pull them off. Never saw mom wear a hat before, that was dad's job. But he is doing pretty good. He loves having dad home at nights too when I have the surgeries or chemo. My hubby works nights so the kids aren't used to him being home in the evenings and Stevie really loves it.

Jan. 12 Went in for my shot of neulasta. I get the day after chemo. to help boost my white blood cell count. Was tired most of today and slept. Around 10pm was getting around to go to bed when hubby noticed a bald spot in the back of my head. He touched my head and hair fell out. I was shocked at first, glad it was indeed going to fall out and a bit nervous too. I went to the bathroom and started to tug at my hair. Didn't need to tug hard, it just started falling out in my hands. Soon enough I had a bald spot on the side of my head. I text my oldest that it was falling out and then sent her a photo. She called me.... I was doing fine pulling it out until she called. I could tell she had been crying and was upset and sad for me. I have tried hard thoughout this ordeal not to let the kids see me down, but hearing her voice got to me. We said good-bye and I lost it. Had to cry for about 4 minutes while hubby held me and tried to comfort me. Pulled myself back to normal and got around for bed. By this time I had bald spots all over my head.

Jan 13 Today the neulasta started to kick in. My bones ache all over from this shot. My neck, shoulders, ribs, arms, legs, my jaws, my entire body aches. I feel as though someone has beat the heck out of me. Hubby tries to massage it but just his touch sends me into pain. I am now called Patches because I have patches of baldness on my head. what a cute name. Sleep most of the day today too. My mother comes over to see my head and is amazed at how it just falls out. I told her to try it, to pull some out, but she said she never pulled out my hair throughout my teenage years, that she won't do it now either.

Jan 14 Today I am still achey and still tired. My hubby shaved the rest of my hair off for me so I am no longer Patches. I still have some stubble here and there and when my bones feel better, I'll let him use his razor to cut the rest of it off. I can't wait for it to fall off of my legs and underarms so I no longer will have to shave. The tissue expander has been really sore the last few days too. I think it too must have something to do with the shot. Talked to my mom this morning and told her hubby shaved my head. Lost it again..... I guess holding in the emotions isn't too good either, they come out sooner or later. Was telling her about Alie's phone call and I just started to bawl again. I worry more about my kids then myself. I know I can handle this and will get through it, but to see the worry in my kids eyes and to hear it in their voices is just too much to handle sometimes. Sammy doesn't know what to think now that my hair is gone. He wanted so bad to touch a bald head, but since it isn't completly bald he won't go near it. Maybe after hubby shaves the rest of it he will, he has only seen one bald head before and he said it was shiny and mine isn't. Kids! Alie came over and was playing legos with Sammy today. They have these little people with hair that comes off. Alie's hair feel off of her person and Sammy said "Looks like Mom now" Kids, they are so honest!

When I walk I am bent over like a little old lady I'm told. The aches are just so bad. I was walking into the living room and hubby looks up at me and says "Run, honey, run!" I started laughing. He tries so hard to keep my spirits up and going and it is great. I know that with this you have to laugh, laughter heals your body and your mind and soul.